Love is an illusion, until it is real
by Darrenindisguise
Summary: A journey Santana takes to grow up and find what she really wants and needs. Some Tina, Kurt, Rachel another character to come. Sorry about bad grammar Etc I was lazy and didn't bother to check it over. Rated T for some possible mild coarse language and some suggestive adult themes later on. Please read, review and enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Santana Lopez, a college student with good prospects, a bright future ahead of her, her parents love her and she has lots of great friends old and new. Yet she isn't happy, she misses her ex-girlfriend and feels like she never left high school behind whilst she is doing a cheerleading course. She is 18 and wants to explore the world, get new jobs make new mistakes, maybe not in love but in life.

'Oh my God, how much work can there be, how do they get so much theory into cheerleading? I bet Brit is doing something more interesting, I wonder what she is doing. No, I can't keep thinking about her, I broke up with her, it was sensible and mature, just about my only mature decision recently. It was my worst one two. God I miss her, I wish I could be there with her or her here so I could hold her hand, hug her, smell her, tell her I love her' Santana thought to herself attempting now to fight back tears, she was in the library studying and she never liked anyone to see her cry unless it was purposely for attention, not even Brittany.

That's when it came to her, It didn't matter what she was doing with her life as long as she was happy, so she would go back to McKinley, get back with Brittany and take whatever work she could until Brittany graduated then they would both move to New York together or stay in Lima if that's what Brit wanted. She wanted to do this because that's what would make her happier than anything and a good job was for luxuries and Brit was the only luxury Santana needed.

This was it she was at the railway station, she had a ticket for her destination, her ticket to get her to Brit and she had managed to fit her whole life in one suit case after dropping out of college. She was so excited she could start her life, be truly happy, she would be able to feel alive again, only like she did when with Brittany. For now she would travel with her thoughts and wait. Every minute, every second that would go by until that end of school bell when she would surprise Brittany was like waiting to be let into heaven. This was the longest yet shortest train ride of Santana's life she couldn't wait to be back together with the girl she loved.

Finally she was there back at McKinley, 1 minute to the bell she climbed up the steps remembering all the happy memories they had shared here. She walked the halls and came to Brittany's locker, it was then the bell rang and she waited as streams of students walked pasted waiting to leave, trying to get out as quickly as they could and start their weekend, she still couldn't see Brittany yet but she waited and waited the corridors of McKinley were now silent, but she decided to wait, after a few minutes she heard two voices, one was Brits, finally she was there and the other, Trouty Mouth? What was he doing there? 'Come on Sam, it's supposed to be our date night' she heard Brittany say, she was confused by this date night? What? Has she moved on? And worse not even told her? 'Well I'm supposed to study, but maybe I can come over for a while' she heard Sam reply. Come over? Come over? To Brit's house? In Brit's bedroom? By this point Santana was already fighting back streams of tears she had realised what was going on and didn't want to hear anymore, she turned the corner and ran to get as far away in floods of tears, she felt like she had done this before but somehow this was worse, she wasn't losing the cover she hid behind she was losing the girl she had loved for years. 'San, Santana? wait' she heard a voice behind her but she didn't want to listen not then, she had given up her future for Brittany, she didn't know what she would do now but she couldn't show her weakness.


	2. Chapter 2

Santana reached her parents' house where she was staying, she locked the door behind her and ran up the stairs crying her eyes out until she reach her room and cried there until she fell asleep. The next morning she woke her eyes still stinging for the tears she had cried, in her drowzy state she lay and thought to herself, going over why Brittany would want Sam, why Brittany didn't tell her and what she was going to do now, she was a college dropout fallen out of a daydream, in a day her life had crashed around her.

Then she heard the door she looked at the clock, 11:36 had she slept that long? Someone knocked on the door again, she knew It would be Brittany, she could hear her walking around the back of the house and stand outside Santana's window 'San, I know you're up there, look I just want to talk' Brittany was starting to choke as tears started to roll down her face 'Please I, I just want to talk to you, I've missed you, please just let me explain'. Santana didn't really want to speak, she wasn't ready yet, but she knew if Brittany wanted to speak she wouldn't leave until they did so she reluctantly went downstairs and let Brittany in.

Silently the girls went and sat at the kitchen table 'Do you want a drink' Santana said quietly, 'No thanks' Brittany answered 'okay' replied Santana. The two girl sat in silence for ten minutes looking into the table, heads down, neither had the courage or the words to speak first. Every few minutes one of them would try to talk but no words would come out, what were they supposed to say? They didn't teach you about this at school.

'Erm, I know this looks bad but after you left, he was the only one that could make me happy' Brittany broke the silence

'You didn't have to date him! Or is that it you got over me just like that, was I not good enough to cry over or was Sam just too irresistible for you' Santana hissed

'No, it wasn't like that San, he helped me when you left me' Brittany sobbed

'So you dated him I mean how long has this been going?'

'A few weeks'

'So what a couple of months?' Brittany stared at the enraged girl with sad guilty eyes.

'Yea' Brittany replied reluctantly

'So you didn't even bother to tell me, too busy with lover boy were you'

'San, I just didn't want you to get upset'

'And what, what about when I found out on my own or from someone else, what were you planning to do then'

'I don't know, San please' the blonde went over to comfort the girl sitting opposite her

'Don't' Santana growled 'Leave me alone'

'Why are you doing this, it isn't going to help, and if you recall you were the one who broke up with me' Brittany's voice raising in volume

'I broke up with you so I wouldn't hurt you'

'Well you did hurt me and Sam was there for me, and you weren't, and we broke up so that if we had the chance to be in a relationship where we can see each other a lot then we could take it' yelled Brittany beneath her tears.

'Well I didn't expect you to move on so fast Brit, I still love you, dropped out of college to be with you' whimpered Santana, silence fell for a few moments,

'You dropped out of college? I thought you were happy?'

'No, It just reminded me of high school and I couldn't stay there without you Brit so I left and came back for you but as it looks you've already moved on, but I'm sorry I over reacted I was just shocked but I did break up with you, and maybe some people get over things quicker, I'm not surprised someone took you, you make a great girlfriend and a great friend' Santana said calmly

'Santana' Brittany leaned to hug the brunette

'No, Brit leave me alone' Brittany backed away a little and stood there 'Please Brit just go'

The blonde slowly walked out and closed the door behind her. Santana again burst into tears and again sat, crying, think of past memories and what had happen in the past two days, where would she go from here?


	3. Chapter 3

After two days of moping around the house not moving because she didn't know where she was going or the point in anything anymore, Santana decided she had to get out just for a while because everywhere in this house reminded her of Brittany. She finally made herself get up, grab a coat and go out. She walked the streets of Lima for a while with her head down, in a daze of her own thoughts about Brittany and her regrets.

Suddenly a familiar voice yelled from behind her 'Santana, Santana, wait up' Santana turned around to see an old friend of hers Tina Cohen-Chang. 'Hey, I haven't seen you in ages how are you', it was then Tina saw that the girl stood in front of her had been crying 'Hey what's up? Let go get coffee'. Coincidentally they were stood outside the Lima Bean, the girls went in Santana sat down and Tina went to order their coffees. What was she going to tell Tina? Should she bleed out her emotions or keep quiet? They weren't that close but had been through a lot together in glee club and Santana needed someone, to comfort her, to help her see sense, to help her move on and show her where to go next.

When Tina sat down she placed the coffee on the table and one hand on Santana's shoulder 'are you okay?' she said, Santana just looked down despondently. 'Did you hear from Brittany' Tina asked, Santana gave a responsive look implying that she had, 'did you hear about her and Sam' Tina said, Santana started to well up again 'I see, well it may hurt now but trust me it's not the end of the world, I thought it was the end of the world when me and Mike broke up but I got up and found something new to do, a new way forward and I got to a place where I may not be over him but I can move forward and get over it' Tina tried to console her friend,

'I just can't see a way forward, Brit has been my world since kindergarten and now it seems like she hardly even cares' wept Santana

'Well I'm sure she does and maybe this was just her way of moving on, you have to just get back up and carry on how ever you can, go back to college and you get through that and you move on'

'But it's not that simple, I dropped out of college, I dropped out of college to be with Brit and now… now everything has gone wrong' Santana mumbled under streams of tears, there was silence for a few seconds,

'Well didn't you say you always wanted to move to New York?'

'Well yea, but I can't do that I don't have much money for starters and where would I stay?' Santana trying to make excuses,

'You could stay with Rachel and Kurt for a while, get a job earn some money'

'I, I just can't go'

'Well what's holding you back? You don't have to stick around for Brittany anymore follow your dreams, maybe you will find another girl out there, but don't just make excuses when really there is nothing holding you back' Tina had almost persuaded Santana but she was still unsure. 'Anyway I have to go 'I'm having dinner with Blaine… and Jake, Marley, Joe and some others, maybe sleep on it, anyway see you around' Tina left leaving Santana alone, could this be a way forward, or a big mistake? Santana still wasn't sure.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later Santana found herself outside Rachel and Kurt's apartment; she was finally doing it, taking a leap to live her dream. She took in one last deep breath then knocked on the door; there was no turning back now. Kurt opened the door 'Santana! we were expecting you over an hour ago, we were starting to get worried, come in, come in, sit down'

'Sorry the train was late' Santana sat down on the sofa

'Santana! It's so good to see you!' Rachel entered from the kitchen with coffee and handed a mug to Santana, 'How are you? How's college? You know I'm glad you and Quinn talked me out of that topless scene, have you heard from Quinn? We are texting all the time'

'Yea, me and Quinn call each other a lot and text' replied Santana, at that moment Brody walked in from the bathroom

'Oh hi, Santana right, good to see you, hope you had a good journey' he said.

'Yea, yea good' Santana replied

'Well I have to go and get some new shoes, I am getting holes in my old ones' Brody swiftly kissed Rachel and left

'Bye' Rachel uttered 'So how is college?'

Santana's face dropped 'Well, that's a story'

'Well go on then, we haven't got all day, we are taing you to a New York party later, did you bring something suitable to wear or do we have to go shopping too?'

'Erm, yea I, I have clothes' Santana replied her voice started to crack as she remembered the situation with Brittany

'Hey San, what's the matter?' said Kurt sympathetically

'I, I dropped out of college' Kurt looked at Santana in shock

'What why?' Rachel exclaimed

'I thought you were happy' Kurt added

'I wasn't I missed, I missed' Santana tried to explain but was now choking back tears 'I missed Brit, so I dropped out to be with her, but, but' she took a deep breath 'but she was already dating Sam when I got back'

'Hey it's okay' Kurt hugged Santana

'So we got into a fight, then I ran into Tina, and she persuaded me to try and move on… so' she took another breath, lifted her head up and said 'I'm moving to New York, Tina told me to follow my dream so that's what I'm doing'.

'Oh that's great, hey you should stay with us for a while or at least until you get you own place' Kurt smiled

'Thanks Kurt'

'Oh yea, this is going to be great, worthy of a celebration I'll go get the wine and some glasses' Rachel said. When she returned she poured the wine 'a toast I think, to the future and new beginnings'.

A week later after spending a few days finding all the places she needed to know in New York and a last trip home to pick up the rest of her things, she was actually, officially moving in. She was nervous that it would all go wrong but she was also happy that she was moving on and living her dream. She only had the sofa but it was a start she would get up in the morning at start looking for her own apartment and a job but it was late and Santana was exhausted physically and emotionally.


	5. Chapter 5

After a few days of job searching Santana found a job as a secretary and was settling in to New York life well, she was still looking for an apartment but Kurt seemed to like having her around so he didn't feel like such a third wheel with Rachel and Brody and they had each other to talk to when they were feeling lonely instead of having to talk to Rachel who never stopped talking about her and Brody and the sofa was quite comfortable, so she wasn't in a hurry to leave, life was going well as long as she didn't overthink things and to kept herself occupied so she would not to do that.

Two weeks later whilst out shopping she caught a glimpse of someone she swore she knew out of the corner of her eye so casually tried to get closer and followed her into a coffee shop, she'd know that ass anywhere, not that she looked at it often when she was with Brittany but had occasionally checked it out in freshman and sophomore years, it was the one and only Quinn Fabray. 'latte please' said Quinn to the girl behind the counter and before she could pay Santana came up from behind

'Make that two, on me' and handed a note over

'Oh my god Santana so good to see you, I was going to come and see you tomorrow, in fact I was just about to call Rachel to check' the girls sat down at a table 'So how are you doing after you know'

'I'm doing okay, Trying to stay occupied, but it's hard sometimes, I still miss her' Santana replied 'Anyway what are you doing here' she asked

'I'm just staying for a few days; I'm thinking of, I am moving up here'

'Oh wow this is great! In fact there is a three bedroom apartment across the hall me and Kurt were thinking of moving into to give Rachel and Brody a bit more privacy but it was a little expensive for two of us but if you moved up here maybe you'd like to move in with us' exclaimed Santana

'Yea that would be great, in fact how about I come over tonight and we can all discuss it, but I have some things to do, I'll see you later' Quinn smiled

'Yea, see you in a bit' Santana smiled back as Quinn left then finished her latte and followed soon after.

That evening it was decided that Santana Quinn and Kurt would take the apartment across the hall, but generally they would all use both apartments, everyone was happy Brody and Rachel got some privacy and Kurt and Santana got to get away from Rachel and Brody dong couple things.


End file.
